Do more things that make you forget to check your phone.
Dear best friend: just a daily reminder that you are beautiful and i love you
Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.
My imaginary friend thinks he has problems.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much.
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!
Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man."
If you have a crazy best friend you have everything you'll ever need.
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!
Paper cut: A tree's final moment of revenge.
Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.
Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.
Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.
No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.
Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.