People are fake. Pizza is real.
My life feels like a test i didn't study for
I feel like i should clean the house, so i am going to lay down and nap until that feeling passes
My life is 50% wondering if it is too late to drink coffee and 50% wondering if it is too early to drink alcohol
You call me your friend but where were you when my selfie had 5 likes?!
Of course i talk to myself. Sometimes i need some expert advice
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars."
A worried dad does better research than FBI
Admit it... Life would be so boring without me
My hobbies include eating and complaining that I'm getting fat
If i won the award for laziness, i would send somebody to pick it up for me